When Pleasing You Is Killing Me

Les Carter Bookbaby

While people pleasers can be some of the nicest people you'll meet, they have an uncanny knack for finding themselves in relationships with controllers. Knowing how pleasers are motivated by duty and obligation, the controllers will persuade, cajole, argue, and convince, knowing they can erode the resolve of the pleaser rather quickly. This, of course, leaves the pleaser with residual feelings of hurt, anxiety, and resentment. Because pleasers are not as skilled in the art of coercion as the controller, they can collapse in feelings of futility. In the book, When Pleasing You Is Killing Me, Dr. Les Carter explains how the pleaser can become freed from futility by choosing to stay out of the controller's power games altogether. Drawing upon decades of counseling with a wide array of frustrated nice people, Dr. Carter gives sound direction to those seeking to reclaim their true selves. Relationship boundaries are explained, assertiveness is taught, and insights are offered as the reader is guided into a paradigm shift regarding the ways to respond to a controller.

ISBN10 : 1543935125 , ISBN13 : 9781543935127

Page Number : 0

Enough About You Let S Talk About Me

Les Carter John Wiley & Sons

Those who are in the unenviable position of living or working with a narcissist have learned by sad trial and error that they are the only one in the relationship who can change the dynamic. Certainly narcissists don’t think they need to change. Enough About You, Let’s Talk About Me is a hands-on resource for helping colleagues, families, and spouses deal with people who exhibit narcissistic tendencies by learning how to change their own attitudes and responses.

ISBN10 : 9780470185148 , ISBN13 : 0470185147

Page Number : 215

The Anger Trap

Les Carter Jossey-Bass

It's easy to identify rage in people who lose their temper at traffic jams, unruly children, unresponsive coworkers, and unrealistic bosses. But we may not recognize more subtle manifestations of anger, such as being uncomfortable with loose ends, acting impatiently, or being overly critical. That is anger, too. And, as is so often the case, angry folks don't seem to realize that the behavior causing them problems at home or at work actually stems from unrecognized and unresolved pain and emotional injuries from the past. Is all this negative emotion inevitable, or are there choices about how to respond, choices that can improve personal relationships as well as emotional health? The Anger Trap is a landmark book that strips away the myths and misconceptions about anger and reveals how you can learn to distinguish between healthy and unhealthy anger so that you may choose—or help someone else to choose—a better, more spiritually enlightened path. The Anger Trap examines the root causes of anger and can help you realize your patterns and break the destructive cycles of criticism, frustration, and irritation that hurt you and others around you. Drawing insight from timeless spiritual wisdom as well as cutting-edge research, Dr. Carter offers practical techniques to free you from anger, its hidden insecurities, fears, and selfishness and thereby improve the quality of your home and workplace life. The book clearly illustrates how the change process works and The Anger Trap is filled with real-life examples of the ways people have come to terms with their anger by applying the concepts Dr. Carter outlines.

ISBN10 : 078796879X , ISBN13 : 9780787968793

Page Number : 0

Don T You Know Who I Am

Ramani S. Durvasula Ph.D Post Hill Press

“Don’t You Know Who I Am?” has become the mantra of the famous and infamous, the entitled and the insecure. It’s the tagline of the modern narcissist. Health and wellness campaigns preach avoidance of unhealthy foods, sedentary lifestyles, tobacco, drugs, and alcohol, but rarely preach avoidance of unhealthy, difficult or toxic people. Yet the health benefits of removing toxic people from your life may have far greater benefits to both physical and psychological health. We need to learn to be better gatekeepers for our minds, bodies, and souls. Narcissism, entitlement, and incivility have become the new world order, and we are all in trouble. They are not only normalized but also increasingly incentivized. They are manifestations of pathological insecurity—insecurities that are experienced at both the individual and societal level. The paradox is that we value these patterns. We venerate them through social media, mainstream media, and consumerism, and they are endemic in political, corporate, academic, and media leaders. There are few lives untouched by narcissists. These relationships infect those who are in them with self-doubt, despair, confusion, anxiety, depression, and the chronic feeling of being “not enough,” all of which make it so difficult to step away and set boundaries. The illusion of hope and the fantasy of redemption can result in years of second chances, and despondency when change never comes. It’s time for a wake-up call. It’s time to stem the tide of narcissism, entitlement, and antagonism, and take our lives back.

ISBN10 : 9781682617533 , ISBN13 : 168261753X

Page Number : 398

Ugly Love

Laura Charanza Bookbaby

Have you ever felt like a normal discussionturns into him raging at you, while you cower inthe corner, not certain what just happenedto set him off? Have you felt like you would be punished if you stand up for yourself? Have you everbeen told you are imagining things and everyone thinks you're crazy? Have youbeen told no one else could ever love you?Have you been led to believe this is all your fault?If you feel like you are living a fairy taleturned nightmare, then you may be a victim of narcissistic abuse. Abusive relationships with a narcissist follow a specific pattern. There's the initial stage of love bombing, where he's prince charming and you are his princess and soulmate. Then, the debasement starts. The rules start changing. Just whenyou think you know what he wants, the standards change again. Then he isolatesyou. You aren't allowed to see family and friends. If you do, you are punished with silence or rancid accusations. Then,there's the escalation of conversations into turbulent arguments, only for him to apologize and startthe cycle all over again.If you feel hopeless, don't. There is a way out, and your exit plan begins with understanding whatyou are going through and how you endedup there.Narcissism is a spectrum disorder. A person can exhibit a few symptoms of being a narcissist, or enough traits to be diagnosed with the full blown narcissistic personality disorder. There's ambivalence on the partof psychologists and other experts on whether a narcissist can change. So, whatdo you do? Do you stay or do you go? Canyour partner be the one who changes? Laura Charanza is a survivor of forty years of narcissistic abuse. Laura has worked with psychologists, physicians, life coaches and spiritual healers to understand narcissism and a narcissist's victims. With empathy and transparency, lLaura tells, first hand, the story of a typical and toxic relationship with a narcissist. Butunderstand that there isa way out, and here is where your journeyto freedom, peace and true love can begin

ISBN10 : 1543933874 , ISBN13 : 9781543933871

Page Number : 0

How To Kill A Narcissist

J.H. Simon J.H. Simon

Narcissism is an overwhelming and confusing topic. But when you reveal its mask, you see that it is basically a lie, told to those who are vulnerable. Narcissistic abuse, by nature, is designed to keep you trapped in shame-based vertigo. It doesn’t just go away because you know it exists. Narcissism creates a set of beliefs, behaviours and paradigms in its target which must be changed from the inside. ‘How To Kill A Narcissist’ is a book with two aims: 1. To reveal the rotten core of the narcissistic personality so you can see it clearly 2. To present you with an inside-out strategy for healing, recovery and freedom Whether you are dealing with narcissistic parents, husbands, wives, friends, bosses or colleagues, the same philosophy will apply. After reading ‘How To Kill A Narcissist’, you will: - Become aware of the damage narcissistic abuse has done to your psyche and how to heal it - See how the narcissist uses shame as a weapon to fool you into feeling inferior - Understand the playing field which narcissists thrive on and how to stop playing their game - Learn how the narcissist uses mind control to break down and rebuild your identity for the purpose of subjugation - Gain tools for disarming a narcissist i.e. starving them of their narcissistic supply - Have taken a closer look beyond the label of narcissistic personality disorder ‘How To Kill A Narcissist’ takes an enlightening look at the dynamic between a narcissist and their target. It takes you on a deep journey and describes: - How we unwittingly qualify as targets of narcissists - The shame/grandiosity continuum and how the narcissist uses it to crush your self-esteem - The law of grandiosity and how it influences our relationships with the self-absorbed - The effect that narcissism has on its target including: toxic shame, a dissociated mind and a weakened ego - The obstacles which keep you trapped in a cycle of narcissistic abuse: the psychological cage, love starvation, low shame tolerance, guilt and conditioning to shamelessness Using an inside-out approach, ‘How To Kill A Narcissist’ presents the seven practices for recovery and healing: 1. Get allies: Boost self-esteem through limbic resonance 2. Give shape to your true self: Uncover disowned parts of the self and restore wholeness 3. Skill up: Empower yourself 4. Flex your muscles: Challenge the psychological cage and come out of hiding 5. Even the scale: Restore balance to your relationships 6. Boundaries: Foster a strong sense of self and firmly protect it 7. Scorched earth: Disengage from those who wish to manipulate you Each practice is designed to instil you with independence, strength, emotional resilience and awareness while allowing you to cultivate balanced, loving relationships and pursue a life of passion. This is the art of killing a narcissist.

ISBN10 : , ISBN13 :

Page Number : 144